AdamRemembered

About a year ago, Roun and I had just received the news that Adam could possibly have Downs Syndrome. I was apprehensive about having him. I didn't think I was strong enough to spend the rest of my life taking care of a child with high needs. This was not the child I had pictured in my mind.There was a big sigh of relief when after 6 ultrasounds there were no visible signs of Downs.

So you can imagine my confusion when we were told that he had to go to the NICU for a dilema that we thought we had put behind us. This time though we had no time to have second thought. There was this beautiful, tempramental little guy who needed me. He melted my heart.

I cried for what I thought I had lost and looked at the job I had ahead. Although it was quite a job, I did not really lose anything. I had a sweet boy who constantly amazed me with his sweet smile and eyes of wonder and love.  I don't think we were epecting him to be as able as he was.

I had this misconception he was going to be slower and not as able to do things. After having a child that did everything early, I set my expectations  low for him. A week after he was home he rolled himself over. He found his thumb almost immediately and he started lifting his head. I started to realize what a fool I was.

Aaron and Adam had a love/hate relationship. Adam was always happy to see Aaron. Aaron's spastic energy for the first three months was too much for him though. I have never seen anyone so in love with his brother. It was always a fight to tear the two of them apart until a diaper needed to be changed.

Other than my own, I've never seen a greater dad. Roun was always so proud and excited. Roun had been working doubles on weekends just so he could spend the rest of the week with him. Considering what little time he was here, I am so glad he got that time. Adam was so much of his heart and I hope someday it will heal.

Adam was just so happy and friendly. He loved to meet people, play on his blanket, and have everyone hold him. He loved to cover himself with pillows and blankets and hide from you.

We had no idea just how sick he was until he was given his trache last month. We knew he adjusted himself at times to breathe but we thought it was just out of habit. He'd tilt his head back, which looked totally uncomfortable but it worked well for him. We thought Adam was going to start having an easier life.

The trache was frustrating for him though. Talking, laughing, and crying all came out in silence. We used to sit there together patting his mouth and say 'aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh' and feel the vibration. Sometimes he'd mimick and sometimes he looked at me like I was crazy. Now with the trach he had no interest.

A couple nights before we came home from the hospital I tried to think of something to make him smile. I started spitting my tounge out at him and going 'thhh'. He just looked at me. I did it again and he started to smile. After doing it for a while I asked him if he wanted to. So he tried 'ththth', 'thhhthth' and we laughed. Even though the last week we had with him wasn't always happy he still smiled and laughed once in awhile. So did we.