chucknorrisfacts
all 100% true
1. There is no 'CTRL' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
2. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
3. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
4. Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
5. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
6. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
7. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
8. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
9. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
10. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.
12. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
13. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
14. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, just another fist.
15. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
16. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world & punch himself in the back of the head.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
18. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
19. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite, Chuck Norris bites frost.
20. Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.
21. Chuck Norris does not pop his collar. His collar gets an erection every time it touches his body.
22. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
23. Chuck Norris only has two speeds, walk & kill.
24. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
25. Chuck Norris can win Connect Four with only three moves.
26. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
27. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
29. In an average living room there are 1, 242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
30. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
31. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, & instead requests a hand gun & a bucket.
32. The are no steriods in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
33. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
34. Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
35. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
36. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
37. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood & tears.
38. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth a billion words.
39. Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
40. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
41. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick in the face.
42. Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
43. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin & the other nine faint.
44. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oaklahoma.
45. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
46. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
47. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas.
48. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, & sidewalks.
49. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
50. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
51. If Chuck Norris ever fought himself, he'd win.
52. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
53. Chuck Norris does not step on toes. He steps on necks.
54. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
55. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
56. Chuck Norris did, in fact, build Rome in a day.
57. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
58. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
59. Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard & skewered three men through the heart with it.
60. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
61. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
62. Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
63. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
64. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin' about.
65. Google won't search for Chuck Norris, because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
66. It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time & fathered himself.
67. It is believed that dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
68. Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse-kicked the deputy.
69. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
70. Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
71. Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
72. Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
73. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
74. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
75. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.