what are you doing here?

So I'm sorry for all the times I've called you ugly.

I'm sorry for never thinking you were quite good enough.

I'm sorry for almost killing you those couple of times.

I'm sorry for beating you up emotionally, for thinking negative thoughts and bringing you down.

I'm sorry for never telling you you're beautiful. You are.

I'm sorry for always telling you you're fat. You're not.

I'm sorry for leading you into unhealthy habits and then blaming you for it.

I'm sorry for destroying your body and your mind.

I'm sorry for not loving you as much as I love everyone else.

I'm sorry for all the times I've treated you like you don't matter.

I'm sorry for ignoring your needs, for hurting you, and for not listening to you.

I'm sorry for hating you, for wishing you were different.

I'm sorry for not letting you be yourself.

I'm sorry for changing your appearance and making you think you're not good enough just the way you are.

I'm sorry I made you think that the only way you were pretty was when you were covered in makeup and clothes.

I'm sorry I criticized every little thing you do so harshly, and wouldn't ever let any mistake you made go.

I'm sorry I made you think you weren't special, or that God didn't like you.

I'm sorry I spent hours straightening your hair, shaving your various body parts, and slathering chemicals onto your face and body to make you more acceptable to me and to others - and I'm sorry I'm probably going to do all of it again tomorrow.

I'm sorry that I pointed out all the things that were wrong with you and never let you see any of the things that were wonderful about you.

I'm sorry for always making you painfully aware of how chubby your tummy, thighs, arms, face, and butt were, and for making you miss your beautiful eyes, cute little nose, and your pretty smile. And I am so sorry for making you believe your heart isn't beautiful.

I'm sorry for trashing your dreams, for telling you you'll never achieve them.

I'm sorry for making you sin against your will and dragging you away from God.

But most of all, I'm sorry again for making you feel like you're not beautiful. Because you are. And you should feel like you are.

So tonight, I promise to make all criticism constructive, to love you as I love my neighbor, and to always, always, always let you be who you are. And I promise to never call you ugly again, no matter what. So, Cattie-Bree Skye Price, will you forgive me?

Yeah. Yeah, I will.

Awesome. Here's to...myself. :*)

(What you just read is part of a conversation I had with myself in the mirror tonight. I had just gotten out of the shower, and while passing by the mirror I caught myself only looking at the things I didn't like about myself. And I began thinking that maybe it's not so much other people's faults that I feel bad about myself, but my own. That it is MY voice that is ringing in my head telling me I'm fat and stupid and whatnot. And that's just not healthy. So without even really thinking about it, that it was silly to be talking to myself or anything, I started apologizing to myself for all the ways I had hurt me, if that makes any sense. For all the times I had put myself down, held myself back, or made myself feel bad. I was telling this person in the mirror that it sucks that I hurt her, and I'm sorry. And then I looked myself in the eye, and honestly forgave myself. And it was surprisingly uplifting and freeing. I think everyone should do this at least once in their lives. Maybe it frees you from your self-imposed psychological prisons, maybe it just has you talking to yourself in the mirror. But either way, don't you owe it to yourself to forgive yourself of all the sins you've committed against the person in the mirror over the years? Weird sentence...but you get it. It's worth feeling silly for five minutes, I think. Try it. Scripture says something like if you've been loved a lot, you should love a lot, and if you've been forgiven of a lot, you should forgive others of a lot. So forgive yourself. You're totally worth it, I promise.)

Check this out!

http://whoareyoublog.livejournal.com/

:*)

(My favorite e.e. cummings poem. Let it move you!)

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

So, in honor of my 19th birthday (which is today!), I am posting this in hopes of winning an iPod... :*)

So Jason from Success for Your Blog is giving away an iPod video Nano!!!. Success for Your Blog is a blog about creating an awesome blog with great tips, tricks, resources, and more. I have a great chance of winning and so could you! :*) All you have to do to enter is write a post about the contest (like this one!).

Success for Your Blog is a sweet website with insight and some guidance to help you make your own successful blog (yay!). Check it out! Maybe even subscribe to the RSS feed...

A couple other great sites I think you should check out are:

• Mr Beach Bum - Another great blog about making money online and insight into affiliate marketing.
• Blogging the Movie - Prija is also holding a contest that may be the craziest blog contest ever. He is going to give away a free car. Like, whoa.
  

Here's to hoping I win an iPod for my birthday!!!

:*)

c

 

Lipstick In School

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. THE MORAL OF THIS STORY.. There are teachers, and then there are Educators. Since I'm aiming to be a teacher (and an educator!) someday, I really like this story.  :*) c

 

Father,

So I've been thinking about who I am. And how I have this horrible (in my

opinion) tendency or habit or whatever to just constantly be acting, in

every situation, with every person. The same habit I'm trying to break

now--I want to be truly authentic, always. I've just been thinking of how

cursed it is that I'm this chameleon of a person, always adjusting myself to

meet the circumstances...always changing...and then a thought exploded in

my brain.

What if...what if I'm a chameleon for a reason?

I read somewhere that the most effective western missionaries are the

ones that can blend in completely, to disappear into the surrounding

culture so that they don't turn people off to the message because of the

bearer--they present the gospel in familiar clothing, so they're less likely to

outright reject it without listening to it. If someone had the ability to

change their appearance and minor parts of their lifestyle to what the

culture finds acceptable and yet still be wholly herself, might she have an

invaluable resource in being able to relate to the people of that culture?

Applying this to myself is tricky. I'm not saying acting through life is okay.

That part is the part that is harmful. What might be okay, though, is

utilizing my ability to adjust and change my outward appearance from

situation to situation...or from culture to culture!

I'm reminded of that story in which the young woman who was born with

brown eyes longed for blue ones, and prayed for them all the days of her

youth. Of course, she never got them, and she agonized over this, for all

she ever really wanted were blue eyes. Then she became a missionary to a

foreign land, in which the natives all had dark eyes. She was able to go into

the temples and rescue the children who were being put through the sex

trade wearing the country's traditional dress, for all the natives could see

were her brown eyes...

Maybe everything is for a reason...

Maybe stuff fits together...

Maybe...

Let's honestly look at it:

- I love Indian culture, the textiles, the landscape, the people, the language,

it's just all beautiful to me

- I have a heart for children

- I want to teach

- I want my job to have something to do with God

- I had the best day of my life (literally) in the hot sun working with a

group of beautiful, downtrodden children in Cleveland, and not caring what

the heck I looked like, and I felt the most alive I'd ever felt there, like I was

where I was meant to be

- When asked what is the ultimate thing anyone can do to serve God, the

thing that pops into my head is being a missionary

- I can adapt, change, and immerse myself in new situations well


God, does all this point to working as a missionary at an orphanage in

India?


c

This girl is my hero.

Father,

I wrote a song for You:

My Lord, it seems You've left me,
Oh, but that cannot be true;
For when I've cried in fear, my God,
Who has answered me, but You?

Who would climb the highest mountain?
Who would swim the ocean blue?
For me, my doubts will do nothing,
For who has answered me, but You?

When I'm old and barely breathing,
Questions many, moments few;
I will have faith and die smiling,
For who will answer me, but You?

c

Cate is NOT stupid. She CAN fly. She's NOT extinct.

haha.

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt.
-Jane Addams

Don't dream it, be it.
-Frank N. Furter

c