Examining Motives

Thanks to:
Christine   Katia   Britney   Gwen   Lily   Nina

Writing The Book is slow going. Sometimes I wonder if this is something I really should do. It seems like every other person out there is writing a book. It isn't anything special or great any more. It is just something you do when you feel you have something to say. So, I am now examining what my motives really are.

I suppose the most important motive is that I feel that many (most) of the books on the same topic are either very lacking or full of mistakes. I don't think I am an expert, but I do feel I know what I am writing about, and my book isn't motivated by money. I guess is comes down to me wanting to make a difference. I don't think The Book is a work of ego, but rather a way to give back.

Disappeared

Thanks to:
Shen   Christine   Clara   Esme   Marie   Kyah   Deborah   Britney  

Reading blogs gives me something to do when I can't sleep. Like now. And recently I've come across quite a few blogs that haven't had new entries in a few months, or a year, or a couple of years. This always makes me wonder what happened to the person. Did they give up blogging? Did they start a new blog somewhere else? Did something worse happen?

Two days ago I came across a blog where the last entry was sometime in November 2003. It was a typical entry, where the woman was complaining about her job, life in general, etc. Strangely there were approximately 40 comments for this mundane entry. Being curious, I started to read the comments to see what the heck people were posting about. My first thought, naturally, was probably a flame war that started somewhere else and spread to her blog. I've seen it happen before. But no, the woman had died about a week after the entry was posted. Friends were leaving messages about her funeral and about how much they missed her. vI read a few of the older entries in her blog, but nothing seem to point to the fact that she was ill. It seemed like one day she just died. I was shocked and upset. I mean, it isn't right for someone young, healthy and alive to just die. And it is more then a little strange to come across this piece of her life, so unfinished, like she will start posting again any day.

This is yet another reason to always tell your loved ones what them mean to you.

Advice

Thanks to:
Kate   Clara   Kyah   Camille   Louise   Deborah   Marthine   Esme   Emily   Benedicte   Gwen   Ami

And I think I'm leaning towards vanilla-magick for my domain name
Maybe...

A few days ago I came across a blog entry, somewhere on my general rounds of the blogosphere, where the author was asking for marriage advice to pass on at an upcoming wedding shower. I didn't comment, because at the time I didn't really have anything to add. But, I've been thinking about it and I believe I do have some advice to pass on.

My biggest piece of advice is to say "I love you" every night before you go to sleep. It sounds simple, and maybe even a little sappy, but I think it is something wise to do. It plays into that old "Never go to bed angry" advice everyone is given. It is hard to stay angry when you tell you SO you truly love them. Also, by doing this every night, you are consistently letting the other person know how you feel; you are connecting if even for a few minutes. And, if you are of a morbid bent, you never know what is going to happen while you sleep, so don't let a chance to say "I love you" pass by.

What's In A Name?

Thanks to:
Louise   Talia

Because I've done pretty well at keeping this site up and running, one of my birthday presents this year is going to be my very own website. Now, if that's not a nerve-wracking thought, I don't know what is.

Of course, it begs the question: What am I going to call this shiny new site?
something I obviously have to have decided upon within the coming weeks.

The ideas, I've had so far look something like:
jade-rachel
walking contradiction
good riddance
time of your life
tattoos of memories
lust for life
beauty love honesty fun
flowers in your hair
gothic aesthetic
geeky goth
alchemy
kaleidoscope sensuality
vanilla magick

What do you prefer?

Journalling Fears

Thanks to:
Cassie   Bella   Tammy   Ami   Emily

I suppose everyone has noticed by now that I have had much that was either intelligent or witty to say lately. (Actually, have I ever had anything witty to say?) I'm sure if I stopped and thought about it, I could come up with quite the extensive list of reasons and excuses for this. But, in actuality, I just haven't had much to say. Most of my journalling is currently taking place in my private, pen and paper journal.

I am slowly working through The Courage to Be Yourself. I've become stalled on the section dealing with fears. I've gingerly started examining my fears, some of which have come as a great surprise. They are teaching me a lot about my motives, and overall I am actually feeling a lot better about myself. That's not to say I don't still have these fears. Rather, now that I am aware of them I think I can learn to deal with them. Better then having them sneak up on me at the worst times.

Archetypes

Thanks to:
Kirstie   Kyah

I found out yesterday that my Dad often stops by and reads my livejournal. (Hi Dad!) This won't change the way I write or what I write about, but it might give me pause for a minute or two once in a while. Anyway, on to other things.

I am trying really hard to read Jung's Man and His Symbols, but it isn't really making a lot of sense. Oh, I am picking up a very profound nugget here and there, but I don't understand most of it. You see, there are a few things I just can't get my head wrapped around no matter how hard I try--poetry and philosophy. But since I want to understand archetypes better, I am struggling through this book a few pages at a time.

Something broke through the fog this morning. Jung says "Archetypes come to life only when one patiently tries to discover why and in what fashion they are meaningful to a living individual."1 And suddenly Tarot makes much more sense. I am the sort of reader that wants to read each deck in the way the creator intended. I must understand what each symbol means to them. See the problem? I haven't been trying to figure out what the symbols mean to me. Each card represents and archetype, and I have been interpreting them in regards as to what they mean to the creator of the deck, not in regards as to what they mean for me. No wonder I often feel like I am fighting the cards.

Holding Back

An excerpt from my private journal, from yesterday:

When I was a little girl I dreamed of being a writer and I wrote many stories and non-fiction essays. Always I received high grades and encouraging comments from my teachers.

In secondary school I all but gave up writing for two reasons. First, I had a few friends who also wanted to be writers and they seemed so much more serious and talented them me. I was very intimidated. Second, I once wrote a story for an assignment and let a friend read it. He got very upset because he said it was similar to a short story in a book he had leant me several months earlier. I had no recollection of the story, but was horribly embarrassed. I guess this started me doubting whether I could come up with anything original.

So secondary school taught me that I wasn't serious or creative enough to be a writer. I think I still carry these thoughts around with me. I am letting events and feelings from ten years ago still rule my life. Why? I have no contact with these people any more.

In picking up a pen again, doing writing exercises and trying to write my book, I have run into these feelings full force. I am again questioning if I am creative or serious enough to pull this off. But I am also, slowly, learning that it doesn't matter what other people think at this point. Right now I just need to get my words and ideas down.

You know... looking back on it I had an English teacher who wanted me to take English in university because she thought I had talent. She was sure I would write a book one day. And, strangely enough, she didn't encourage my other "writer" friends like that. Did I just waste many years being afraid of nothing?