I am all in favour of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let us start with typewriters.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
This seemed like a good way to kick off the introduction, considering that it is a preamble to a voluminous accumulation of archives, each written in great detail to explain with careful specifications why the good majority of fanfiction really…just sucks. I've been writing and reading fanfiction for a near three years as a hobby, a creative outlet, and on occasion, an inconspicuous way to deliver top secret information to underground officials. And I've come to realize that due to hours and hours of wading through mediocre fiction, that I've finally developed my own opinions and conclusions on what makes a story fill your eyes with joyful tears, and what makes a story fill your throat with blood. And instead of ploughing through fic after fic on Fanfiction.net, leaving repetitive pleas for beta readers and spell checkers, I've decided to gather my efforts and focus them on one big hunk of web space which will now be known as…
Pirates Don't Need Grammar.
Seeing as many people who choose to traverse into the dangerous waters of the Internet are monumentally stupid; I will now proceed to clear up certain issues that are notorious for reoccurring when it comes to constructive criticism.
1. It's perfectly legal.
I know it's an exhausting list, but I like to think it's quite reasonable. If you read through newspapers, you'll see that there are some real sons-of-bitches out there who will berate others work a lot harder than I'm berating yours. Therefore, any emails containing anything to the effect of "WHUT GIVS U TEH RIGHT TO SAY THAT??????/" will be read, taken into careful consideration, and then laughed at in a most unseemly and disdainful manner.
That being said, I invite you to read through and enjoy Pirates Don't Need Grammar. Have at, dear readers, have at.