Boa vs. Python

 

CAUTION: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE

    I'll concede that the boa and python in this movie aren't really dragons, but since they flip out and kill people, and have scales, I say it's close enough to warrant a review. Besides, this movie ROCKS! It may not have huge all-star actors, but the ones here perform just as well, if not better than any big-timers! Heck, these guys are so good that they move to different places and positions INSTANTLY in between shots, and don't even bother to pause for breath sometimes in their extended monologues -- even though their voice tone reflects that they have. Anyway, let's go onward.

    Our story begins with the evil Broddick and his equally evil girl, the lovely Eve, watching an exciting WWE-esque wrestling match that apparently goes on for several hours at the least. Why do I say that? I say it because we get an outside shot of it clearly being daytime, but later turning quite dark...All while the match between the same two wrestlers is still going on! This particular truck is carrying an oversize load; a gigantic, sedated Python, to be delivered to Broddick's doorstep. To be expected, the Python wakes and starts thrashing about inside its cage. So what do the smart people in charge of the Python's transportation do? Why, they let the snake loose, then blow themselves up with dynamite, of course! (at exactly the same time one of the wrestlers wins by a pin-down, may I add).

    Roddick is informed via the TV that his convoy has faced massive explosion, and a giant Python is loose. He explains to Eve his cunning plan of world domination: invite some wealthy gun nuts to come give him some money so they can shoot at a giant snake. Well, that's botched since the Python is loose, but he's got a plan B...which sounds a lot like plan A.

    As the inept newscaster (with a big ego) and his pessimistic cameraman survey what might possibly be an "Al-Kayeeda" attack, Agent Smith arrives on the scene, looking for Neo. The newscaster and cameraman confront him, and after clarifying the correct pronunciation of Al-Qaeda, the agent reveals that he is only Smith by night, but by day he is mild-mannered Agent Sharpe, and claims several times that he doesn't know a thing about the situation, having just got there. Government conspiracy, I tell you.

    After a brief look around, the amazing Agent Sharpe finds the crucial evidence: a scale. He meets up with his lovely colleague, Agent Koznelova, and together they walk up to an access to the "Philadelphia Water Treatment Plant" and take a look; we see that there's a hole punctured through the metal. Of course, it couldn't possibly be made by the Python, as the hole isn't wide enough. There is a following conversation, as the hole is completely ignored:

Koznelova: "What's that?"
Sharpe: "A scale. I found it in the case".
Koznelova: (Somewhat in disbelief) "That's a big scale."
Sharpe: (Thinking, 'Duh') "That's a big case."

    Meanwhile, at the 'Philadelphia Water and Power', the snake has learned how to turn itself invisible (or knows telekinesis), as it drags away one of the workers, even though you can briefly see that both his feet clearly don't have any sort of Python jaws latched over them. This happens a lot in the movie. Sharpe is immediately informed of the attack by a telepathic police deputy, who chuckles as he says a "giant snake" is the reported culprit. Sharpe quickly launches into a very longwinded monologue, ordering the deputy to cut the water for half the state, and tells Koznelova to summon all the information and firepower that she can. Powertripper.

Now, it's good to see that Sharpe nips this monster-movie stereotype of "The authorities think it's a prank" in the bud. Unfortunately, he only believes the report of "giant snake" so quickly because there was a convenient operation in Russia involving a couple of big snakes getting loose and wiping out a CIA team. Also, I didn't want to get into continuity errors in this review, but Sharpe's inhuman manual dexterity in this scene is really bugging me now. Take a look.

1. Sharpe helpfully shows us that he is empty-handed by wiping his hands. Koznelova is holding the scale, and some rubber gloves (which she is in the process of taking off).
2. Not in these pictures, Sharpe briefly shows us that he is carrying a mysterious white object in his left hand. He is making a single-fingered gesture with his right.
3. He's still making the gesture, but the mysterious white object has switched hands!
4. In the blink of an eye, the white object is gone again, and Sharpe is now making a two-fingered gesture.
5. Koznelova is still holding the bag with the scale in it, but did she just drop the gloves on the ground?

We're not even 20 minutes in yet, proceed to Page 2.