Building a New Me

Hi.  My name is Michelle and chances are you have found me on the WW boards.  I  get alot of inspiration and ideas from there.  I started WW on August 25, 2005.  I have always been overweight  (except during a few years in my teens).  I have tried numerous ways of losing weight in the past and once lost 45 pounds only to gain it all back and more, as usual!  I think my highest all time weight was probably 315 or so.  I avoided scales during that time.  And that was around the end of July 2005.  I am 5'4 1/2 ", 36 years old, happily married for 16 years and the mother of 2 amazing kids!  I am also a grandmother to my stepdaughter's beautiful baby girl and my stepson's awesome little boy!  I LOVE my daily walks.  If I don't get to go for my long relaxing walks every morning, I feel cheated.  I love Weight Watchers.  It has given me a new lease on life and I am so grateful to have found this program.

Update 3-23-06

I have lost 45 pounds now and have went down (from a 26/28) to a size 22/24 jeans, have located something I believe to be collar bones and am riding a bicycle for the first time in years and loving it!!!!!  BIG stuff for ME!

Update 7-18-06

My weightloss is really starting to show.  I have lost 62 pounds and I now wear a size 18/20.  I have TONS more energy and feel amazing.  People are starting to notice and complimenting me.  It is hard work, but so worth the effort.

Update January 25, 2008

I am long overdue for an update.  I have lost a total of 115 pounds now and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. I can wear a size 14 or 15 pants from the junior department. People who haven't seen me in awhile don't recognize me anymore at first.  Alot of people are starting to marvel over the amount of weight I have lost and are beginning to ask me how much I've lost and how I've done it.  It feels great.  This has been alot of hard work, but also the best thing I have ever done for myself.  Today, my 12 year old daughter asked me to give her a piggy back ride and then, said, mom, lets go get on the scale and see how much we weigh together!  I weighed 15 pounds LESS with her on my back than I did when I first started Weight Watchers.  I don't know how I carried that much weight around.  It's no wonder I was in so much pain all the time.

I love that I can get down on the floor and play with my kids comfortably.  That's a big deal for me.  To sit "indian style" on the tile by the fireplace and play boardgames feels so liberating.  To run and chase my grandaughter around the yard is amazing.  I even did the Couch to 5 K running program on coolrunning.com and finished in December of last year.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could.  And I did.  I try to excersise everyday.  I either walk 4-5 miles, jog, go the gym and get on the elliptical trainer for an hour and/or swim in the heated pool and when I can I go skating with my daughter.  What a joy to roller skate with my baby girl.  I love it.  

I'm not quite sure why, but along with my weight loss I have experienced personal growth which has enriched my realtionships with my family so much.  We are closer than ever and I am so porud of my kids and my husband.

You know, it's all the little things in life that mean so much.  I can tie my shoes without it being painful to bend down over all the fat.  I can reach my arms behind my back and clasp them together.  When I drop something on the floor of my car, I can reach it.  I can sit in restaurant booths with room to spare.  Intimacy, if ya know what I mean, is much more pleasurable.  I can get into my regular sized bathtub and have room on either side.  I can run.  I can climb.  I can jump-rope.  I can walk all day long if I have to.  I can climb stairs with ease.  I can get down on the floor and play with the kids.  I have collar bones.  My rings are too big and I am wearing a ring now I wore back in my teens when I was at my skinniest.  A regular sized bath towel (the smaller ones) go around me completely.  When I lay down at night I breathe easy.  I can cross my legs if I want to.  I feel confident enough to wear skirts and heels.  The list goes on...

If you are new to Weight Watchers, welcome!  It really works.  It is an incredible journey that you will never regret.  Keep at it.  Just do it and don't give up.  You slip up (we all do) get right back on and keep plugging away and the weight will come off.  The scale doesn't always say what you had hoped or expected it would, but have faith in the program and yourself, because you deserve it.

Believe in yourslef.  You will succeed.  That was my favorite quote when I started Weight Watchers and I still have it posted on my fridge next to my Before pic and a pic of myslef when I weighed about 120 pounds for a minute in my teens.  I'm glad I started and have kept up this site.  It helps me remember how far I've come.  Now I look back, EXACTLY 2 years and 5 months later and I am so glad I started this journey.  I am 115 pounds lighter.  I could have been 115 pounds heavier!

Wow!  My confidence is soaring!  I have never felt this good about myself.  About Michelle.  Who she is and what she stands for.  I am ok with me.  It's becoming even more evident that it really doesn't matter what people think about who I am, because I know I am an awesome woman.  I know I can achieve anything.  And when I feel down I have the strength and faith to know that it is just a passing phase.  No more dwelling. 

I weigh 167 now and I have lost 128 pounds.  I went to a water park today with my family and just had the BEST time.  Wearing a bathing suit feels ok now.  I do not feel ashamed or embarrassed.  I feel comfortable.  I can walk up and down all those stairs with the kids and not be dying inside!  I feel like a new person!  Guys talk to me while I am wearing a bathing suit.  Now, this might sound weird to some people, but if you have ever weighed 295 pounds and are wearing a bathing suit people act like you are INVISIBLE.  Everyone does.  I am not the invisible person dying inside anymore.  I am Michelle, in all her jiggly, flabby glory, boobs hanging low, but hey, who cares?  I don't.  And the guys don't seem to care either.  Maybe it's because I am more confident about myself.  YES I think that is a BIG part of it.  People respond to confident, happy, comfortable people.  I still cannot believe I am FINALLY that person. 

I never would have believed in a MILLION years that joining Weight Watchers, walking in that door that day on August 25, 2005 weighing 295.4 pounds that I was in for such a rewarding journey.  I had NO CLUE!!!!!  All I knew was that I was going to FAIL at this, like I did everything else and oh well, at least I tried, I am destined to miserable no matter I what I did!  Man, was I wrong!!  Talk about a turning point in my life.  And I am still turning.  That is the beauty of WW.  The journey.  It's so rewarding.  The rewards keep coming.  I don't think they will ever stop coming. 

For so many years I had a very hard life.  A life full of pain.

 Thank you SO MUCH WEIGHT WATCHERS for helping me gain my life back!! 

December 12, 2008

Wow!  As of yesterday I have shed excatly 140 pounds.  I still have a hard time believing *I* weigh 155.4.  I still take double takes at my reflection.  People that haven't seen me in awhile either do the following upon seeing me:

1.) Do NOT know who I am and completely ignore me or treat me as if I were a stranger (sometimes works to my advantage if I don't like the person!  HA!)

2.) Think I am my sister (who obviously must look more like me than I realize, but has always been smaller) and then immediately either perform #3 or #4 or #5.

3.) Are speecheless and stare continuously.  Now this one puzzles me, I sometimes wonder is if because they think I may be ill and have lost alot of weight and don't want to bring it up or are simply at a loss for words, or just can't put their finger on where they know me from, but know I look familiar.  Ya, that's it, it is one of those so I am no longer puzzled.  Haha.

4.) FREAK OUT and go on and on about the change and how astounding it is.

or 

 4.) Say something really loudly like "HOLY SHIT!"  or   "OH.   MY.    GOD!"

Anyway,  someone asked me for my best advice on a bravo board and this is what I had to post. 

MY BEST ADVICE

My best advice is never give up on yourself and make this journey your #1 top priority. Whatever that takes to make that happen, make it happen. This program can work for ANYBODY if you have the will to change. Even just a sliver of will will work in the beginning. Believe in yourself. As you start gaining success you will realize the power you have within you to change. It happens gradually which is good, IMHO. (The changes and the realizations). Realize that we all make mistakes and never give up because of it and even if you do, remember as quickly as possible why you started in the first place and how you felt, then began again immediately. The key is to began again. And again and again and again....as many times as it takes.

Also, hang a picture of yourself on the fridge. Hang one at your highest weight if you have one. Never take that down. Also, as you start dropping sizes, get rid of those clothes. Don't hang on to them, I don't care how much they costed or who gave them to you or whatever sentimental attachment you have. There are exceptions of course. (something your gramma made...etc) If you hang on to them you are mentally telling yourself you may need these again one day IF YOU GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK. Totally bad mindset. Must think only of the now and smaller you.

Follow your healthy guidelines. Move your body.

Keep healthy food available at all times. Journal every darn bite you take. Regardless of how many points it was. When you go out, don't be afraid to speak up and ask for things to be made without oil, butter, etc. Don't be afraid also to ask for the nutrtional information (if they have it) and if you can, get online before you go to a restaurant and look up the NI or menu and plan ahead.

That's about all I got right now. If any of you ever need to vent or ask anything more, email me, I love sharing experience strength and hope.

Michelle