Yes, here for your humor salvation is a third page of Totally Kangaroo Jokes. Since Tee-Kay has been on this crusade on behalf of kangaroo jokes, I couldn't help but notice how terribly underrepresented the Roo Joke is the family of animal jokes. The situation is nothing short of catastrophic. Speaking of cats, felion jokes are clawing their way to the top of the list just under dogs. Other critters don't trail too far behind and are nipping at their heels. Pound for pound, elephant jokes are truncated but holding their own and seem to carry a lot of weight within certain demographics (or is that repubraphics?) You can see the results of my informal survey on the graph at right. Enough with the stats already, it's time to start those humor engines!
How are civil attorneys and surfer kangaroo alike?
For both, life is all about sue 'em suits and board meetings.
What keeps kangaroo from practicing law? The bar. Instead of passing it, they keep passing out at it.
Why do kangaroo punch eachother?
Because they'll go to prison if they start punching bag ladies again.
What did the banana peel say when he saw the kangaroo coming?
Ready for Fall?.
What did the almond say when the kangaroo stepped on him?
Nut a lot.
Why do kangaroo have pouches?
To carry their cash and tender ones.
Why didn't the almond complain when the kangaroo jumped on him?
I could give a longer answer but in a nutshell it didn't hurt him.
Beggar: Hey 'roo, got any spare change?
Kangaroo: Yes, it's at home in my spare pouch.
Did you hear about the Kangaroo that got robbed while visiting Moscow?
The thief demanded all his 'roo bills.
Where are Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore when you need them?
Why do kangaroo clothiers hire mermaids?
Because they are the best sea mistresses around.
How do you get down from a Kangaroo?
You don't get down from Kangaroo. You get down from your high horse.
Why do most kangaroo choose to live in the outback?
Because the jungle's full of animals.
Did you hear about the clever kangaroo who had dyslexia?
He lived in the Australian backout where he foxouted godings.
Job Interviewer: Tell me about your work experience. Kangaroo Applicant: I used to work at a hydrant factory along with the guy who wrote 'Who Let the Dogs Out' a song based on a happening at our factory. Job Interviewer: Sounds like a mess. How did this come about? Kangaroo Applicant: Well, I'm a little embarrassed to admit it but it was me who let the dogs out. But how was I to know? They told me they were dingos!
The Kangaroo teller explained to the Southerner that his access had been denied on account he was overdrawn. "I'm overdraaawlin?" the Southerner asked puzzled. "Daaagnabit you're riiight. How 'bout we make a deeeal. I won't poke fun of yer eeears if your baaaynk will kiiindly make allowance for the way I taaawlk!"
Why don't kangaroo dance ballet?
Financial reasons. Everytime time they are on their tiptoes, it completely wipes out their balance.
Talk about hurting them in their pockets...
Only when a 'ROO is thouroughly committed in holy matrimony can he be complete.
Only then is he a through roo.
Kangaroo Software Engineer: How many bytes does this computer have?
Computer Salesman: That depends how much you punch and kick it.
Blake Austin
One of the first European settlers to arrive in Australia asked a local aboriginine where he could find the hopping creatures he had heard rumors of. After some lengthy attemps to communicate, the local man still looked puzzled so the settler bent his legs uniformly and began to hop about. The aborigine studied the hopping man's legs, carefully observing that each leg maintained the same shape as the other. Suddenly a wise look overcame his countenance as he recalled his father's lessons drawn many years earlier with a stick in the sand, "Congruency!" he exclaimed. "Kangaroo-went-sea?" the settler asked. The aboriginine smiled and nodded. Quickly the settler turned to the others in his party and said, "Let's go mates. It appears they call them 'Kangaroo'....and they've headed towards the sea!"
Did you hear about the magician kangaroo that was fired from his job at the barmitzvah party?
He reached into his hat and pulled out a rabbi.
Why aren't kangaroo good at sprinting?
They're always jumping the gun.
Why did the stadium fall apart at the kangaroo kid soccer championships?
All the fans were jumping for Joey.
It was so hot in Australia this year that city kangaroos were forced to teflon-coat their feet just so they wouldn't stick to the asphalt.
Kangaroo are a mixed breed politically, each part representing a different political persuasion. Their pouches are definitely conservative stressing family values and taking care of one's own. Their tails are independent and can swing left or right. Kangaroo feet appear to be collectivist where individual effort such as putting one foot in front of the other is frowned on. Perhaps this helps to explain the kangaroo's reluctance to put his best foot forward.
An observant Kangaroo teller was able to help police solve a recent case involving a bank robbery. As the robber was getting ready to leave with his loot, the teller asked him if he needed quarters too. "Not, really," the robber replied, "I've already got reservations at the Best Bungalow down the street."
What's the difference between a man and a kangaroo?
A kangaroo joey crawls from the womb to the pouch while a man crawls from the couch to the bedwomb.
What's the difference between a kangaroo and a handsome doctor? One nurses joeys. The other enjoys nurses.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ooragnak.
Ooragnak who?
T'ooragnak't the cable you'll need to pay your bill, sir!
