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Totally Kangaroo is all about good jokes, the Great Outdoors, loads of fashion, and lots of fun. Centerstage is TK, the Totally Outrageous Kangaroo who tells insane kangaroo jokes while introducing top-notch beaches, shops, bikes, boards and bikinis. Read more about Tee-Kay or visit TK's ONLINE STORE. |
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If you're anything like me, you believe in the power of the individual to affect positive change. If so then you will enjoy reading Four Things About September 11th In a world full of crazy conspiracy theories and behind-covering commission reports, it's nice to finally hear a fresh voice air on the side of commonsense and thoughtfulness. The trial date for Austin v Awtec is July 29th, 2008 Central District of Southern Division. Every citizen has a Constitutional right to petition for a redress of grievance. In the days of the Magna Carta, a 40-day limit was set in stone by which time a grievance must be addressed or else the King and Queen would offer their castles and possessions for settling such grievances only demanding that their lives be spared. All I asked for, begged for, and pleaded for was to correct the BRE - the Bojinka (plot) Response Error, to stop the Bojinka plotters poised to strike us. That request was denied, resulting in the murders of thousands and throwing our country into war. I then asked for a trial and that has been denied year after year after year. The principle of timeliness as embodied by the 40-day response pledge of the Magna Carta has been exceeded by 73 times. |
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During this time I did not sit still. I exposed Zelikow's total neglect of airport security, hijackings, and bojinka plotters. I called for his resignation and when that effort stalled, I pleaded to stop an even worse tragedy. As the date of 8/11/06 approached I feared Zelikow and his colleagues might once again be caught with earplugs on and asleep at the helm of our national security. I pleaded repeatedly for the Bojinka plotters and their second wave of attacks to be stopped IMMEDIATELY and thanks to God, I believe my efforts helped stop history's deadliest Islamist plot, the Trans-atlantic Bojinka Plot. Austin v Awtec served long before the 9/11 attacks to help us heed the widespread warnings of Sullivan and Elson, to correct the DOT's unwise direction, and to reverse the Bojinka Response Error (BRE). Sullivan and Elson's Paul Revere-like warnings went well beyond and over Senator Kerry and his staffers' heads to reach millions of viewers as various tv news channels across the nation reported the news of airline screening failure out of Boston. I heard these astonishing reports in the Los Angeles market which recalled to my mind details of the Bojinka plot and the DOT spokesman's perverse amusement over 'a perfect oppurtunity for a terror attack' at our modest conference. It concerned me the spokesman may have been thinking the same thoughts on his Dulles to LAX flight that morning and I concluded there was a lack of motivation to stop such threats stemming from at best a lack of real-world experience and sober reflection of the negative consequences should such an attack occur.. At the time of these news reports, I was under investigation and questioning by legal authorities for suspicion of committing hate crimes solely because of my efforts to call attention to the BRE, the Bojinka (plot) Response Error and my repeated pleas to reverse the error and stop the plot. I had been the victim of a hate crime, not the perpetrator; but in the lovely State of California, a mean-spirited group was turning reality on its head to fit their institutionalized perversion of the law. All any of us can do with the short life God has given us is to through our life try to reinforce the principles and ideals of fairness and reciprocity whose wise practice leads to Reason, Wisdom, and Understanding among men, and whose substance creates the fertile soil from which true Liberty can take root. I beg all of you to give this case its rightful place as the wake-up call it truly was and still remains. If you like David Letterman's Top Ten Contest, you might want to look at our latest addition - TK's TOP THIS LIST. |
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Why did the cheerleaders ask a kangaroo to join their squad? They needed a good roo teen. What advice did the kangaroo give to his son? When opportunity knocks - don't walk - HOP TO IT! What does a joey learn in school that keeps his feet aligned? Kangarooency. How does a joey get home from school when it's raining? He high tails it. When a kangaroo gives birth to two joeys, which side of the pouch does the second joey get? The one left. What is Tee-Kay's favorite music? Hip-Hop. What does a kangaroo say when he greets friends? What's hoppinin'? Why did the Kristophersons send young Tee-Kay Roo to a Montessori school? To give him a jump start. What do you call a kangaroo that doesn't get out much? A pouch potato. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant? Earthquakes across Australia. What do you get when you cross a bodyguard with a kangaroo? A security man who doubles as a bouncer. Why was there a brawl at the 'Roo wedding? They were trying to beat each other to the punch. Why did the deejay continue to spin discs? He thought they were trying to punch each other to the beat. What misspelled headline led to a defamation suit against Kangaroo News? Roo Accepts Pa in Marriage The nervous roo knelt down and blurted out, "Won't you marry me? A dozen baby roos are waiting!" But the lady roo flatly rejected his proposal. Why? It was the wording. She didn't like how it was pouched. What's a kangaroo's favorite pizza topping? Hopperoni What's a kangaroo's least favorite pizza topping? Smushedrooms. Why are baby Kangaroo called 'Joeys'? Because they are their parents' Pride'n Joey. It is believed that the first known Kangaroo twins were Pride and Joey. They were nearly identical but as they grew up Pride grew rich and conservative while Joey remained fun-loving and youthful - yet broke. To this day, all baby roo with their irrepressible ways are known as 'Joeys' while their maturity and wealth is associated with 'Pride.' What do you call a kangaroo who greets female roos with raised eyebrows and a wagging cigar? Poucho Marx. What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Southerner? A Kangaroo lives Down Under. A Southerner lives Down Yunder. What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Texan? Kangaroo have long tails. Texans have tall tales. Do Kangaroo have rules? Yes, a Kangaroo cannot get airborne unless his tail touches the ground when he jumps. That's rule one. Rule two? If he marries and is caught touching another Roo's tail, he could be grounded for life. If a Kangaroo watch is 'bounce-proof', where a bounce causes no effect, then what kind of watch is 'bounce-sensitive' where bouncing produces a lot of effect? Baywatch. What do you call it when a Kangaroo goes from state to state looking for a place to practice law? Barhopping. What does a 300-pound Kangaroo and the Tonight Show's Kevin Eubanks have in common? Too much grass. Why did the kangaroo go to the mechanic? Because he lost the spring in his step. Why did the kangaroo go to the barmaid? He was out of hops. 1st glow worm: You've got your hat on backwards! 2nd glow worm: How do you know which way I'm glowing? Hey buster, would you prefer a Kangaroo punch or a Mike Tyson punch? I've always liked Hawaiian myself. Kangaroo have short memories so why do they have long tails? So if they get lost they can look back and see where they've been. During show-and-tell a small boy was telling his classmates about his first visit to the zoo. "Finally I saw the Kangaroo," he said. "And do you know what they was doing? They was just finished shopping. "Really?" inquired the teacher, "And what exactly had they been shopping for?" "Babies," the boy replied. How far does a kangaroo hop happily in the woods? Not very far. After 'bout 50 yards he's hopping mad the tics and mosquitos have found him. Did you hear about the boy who does Kangaroo impressions? He regularly cleans the coins out his mom's purse. Did you know that NASA's Pathfinder actually found Kangaroo on Mars? Apparently the strain of landing may have caused the probe some temporary confusion. It seems when NASA asked the Pathfinder what species of animal he had found, the Pathfinder replied, "Earthupials." The Kangaroo on Mars reported how impressed they were with the quick inflation of the Pathfinder's balloons as she landed on the red planet. They said they hadn't seen anything balloon up that fast since Oprah Winfrey ended her last diet. Scientists have uncovered evidence their civilization was in some respects more advanced than ours. TK has obtained video footage of one kangaroo's attempts to share compact disc technology with us as early as the 1950s. Roll the tape, please...
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Tee-Kay Roo is a fictional character created by Blake Austin. Resemblance to any particular kangaroo either living or deceased is purely coincidental. Blake Austin enjoys a good laugh, photography, writing and cars. Another site Blake is currently working on is a Japanese-English Mnemonic Dictionary. This site is dedicated in memory of Doug Hosier who inspired us to keep moving forward and laughing like there's no tomorrow. Thanks for droppin' in! Blake |
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